Holy
fuckpiss.
What a lazy, cynical attempt at making a movie. I wouldn't even classify this as a movie. This is the kind of thing Jigsaw should have made his victims watch rather than threatening to snap their heads off with a bear trap. "Hello, I want to play a game. You'll see to your left is a television and a DVD player. Silent Hill: Revelation is inside it. You will also see to your right is a soup spoon. If you can make it through the whole movie without shoving that soup spoon three inches into your neck, you will be released. Let the game begin."
There is no story progression. There is no character development. Our lead character Heather, played by some actress who should be named Ms. Anime McIcannotactfuckmyface, is an annoying genital wart of a character. Literally, every character she meets tells her specifically not to go to Silent Hill.
So what the hell does she do? You guessed it!
Another thing that pissed me off to no end: In the game Silent Hill 3 (which this "movie" is "based" on), Heather finds items that will be of use to her as the game progresses. In Silent Hill: Revelation, Heather has every single item conveniently placed in a box in her house. All she does in the movie is run around and scream with the most irritating harpy shriek of a scream you'd ever hear at badly rendered CGI monsters that don't look frightening or eerie in the slightest. That baby-robot-monster thing from Toy Story was 90 times more terrifying than anything you will ever encounter in Silent Hill: Revelation.
The editing wasn't even decent. The film also has the most annoying and moronic cuts in the history of cinema -- this is exemplified by the terrible opening which features some of the most spectacularly incompetent camerawork I've ever seen. There's one moment where Heather fires a gun at the monster on top of her, then it cuts to the monster on the ground next to a pool of blood and Heather slowly rising in the very next fucking frame. Imagine if in The Dark Knight Rises when Batman punches Bane outside it immediately cuts to Bane resting against the reception desk and Batman yelling, "WHERE IS THE TRIGGER?!" Imagine how incredibly fucking stupid that would be. That was how incredibly fucking stupid the editing was in Silent Hill: Revelation. There are blatant goofs throughout the movie that could've been easily noticed in the editing room if everybody in the crew wasn't a hopeless waste of oxygen.
There are some decent actors in here: Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Sean Bean, and they all blow hard. Michael J. Bassett is a hack and should stay the hell away from filmmaking. Lines are delivered so horribly, so blandly... this is probably how shooting went:
BASSETT: Alright, here's your line. Just look at this person and say it, okay? Great. Action!
ACTOR: (wooden) I know where you a-- fuck, messed up the line. Can we do it--
BASSETT: And cut! That's a wrap! Great job, guys.
Game companies need to stop giving film rights for their awesome games to Samuel Hadida; pretty much everything he does is a piece of trash. Don't get me wrong, the firstSilent Hill movie for me was a guilty pleasure. Compared to this cinematic abortion it's a masterpiece. The first movie was a visual treat -- this looks like cheap garbage. It was filmed in Cambridge (and some places around Toronto I believe), a place a few hours away from me. I hope people in that town see this movie and become ashamed that they let their quaint living space become the setting of one of the worst movies ever made.
Again, Bassett is a hack, and I'd be shell-shocked if he actually understands a single Silent Hill game. He massacres the psychological tension, the complexity, the symbolism (a pivotal part of the games), and the atmosphere that made the games such masterpieces (the first four anyway). This movie is about as atmospheric as Mercury. There is not a single unnerving moment. There is not a single suspenseful moment. At times the film is not even coherent at all. Pyramid Head is added in for who the fuck knows why. Oh right, he's recognizable, so screw the point of him, right? HA. AHA HA. THAT'S JUST RICH.
The only high point is a deliciously campy cameo from Malcolm McDowell -- nowadays it's like McDowell stars in trashy movies just to have some fun, and he takes full advantage of it and God is it ever amusing. He knew what movie he was in when he shot his scene in this.
Things are barely explained and when they are it's through wooden exposition. I hate everybody in this movie except for McDowell. I hate everybody involved in this movie except for, again, McDowell and Harington and Sean Bean. At least they have a body of work that demonstrates they don't fucking suck.
How this was released in theatres is beyond me. I hope everybody involved (save for the aforementioned exceptions) gets a special visit from Pyramid Head and gets their wasteful existences sliced in bloody half.
Okay, that's a little harsh.
But they do deserve a hard kick to the testicles.
This is disrespectful and offensive to fans of the games and fans of horror and fans of film. It's as if mid-way through post-production everybody gave the fuck up and said, "Hey, let's look for the most ways to mangle this movie even more." I am utterly humiliated for anybody who likes this film, and that's all I have to say.
Silent Hill: Revelation is rated R for nonsensical garbage and the brutal sexual assault on the viewers' minds.
What a lazy, cynical attempt at making a movie. I wouldn't even classify this as a movie. This is the kind of thing Jigsaw should have made his victims watch rather than threatening to snap their heads off with a bear trap. "Hello, I want to play a game. You'll see to your left is a television and a DVD player. Silent Hill: Revelation is inside it. You will also see to your right is a soup spoon. If you can make it through the whole movie without shoving that soup spoon three inches into your neck, you will be released. Let the game begin."
There is no story progression. There is no character development. Our lead character Heather, played by some actress who should be named Ms. Anime McIcannotactfuckmyface, is an annoying genital wart of a character. Literally, every character she meets tells her specifically not to go to Silent Hill.
So what the hell does she do? You guessed it!
Another thing that pissed me off to no end: In the game Silent Hill 3 (which this "movie" is "based" on), Heather finds items that will be of use to her as the game progresses. In Silent Hill: Revelation, Heather has every single item conveniently placed in a box in her house. All she does in the movie is run around and scream with the most irritating harpy shriek of a scream you'd ever hear at badly rendered CGI monsters that don't look frightening or eerie in the slightest. That baby-robot-monster thing from Toy Story was 90 times more terrifying than anything you will ever encounter in Silent Hill: Revelation.
The editing wasn't even decent. The film also has the most annoying and moronic cuts in the history of cinema -- this is exemplified by the terrible opening which features some of the most spectacularly incompetent camerawork I've ever seen. There's one moment where Heather fires a gun at the monster on top of her, then it cuts to the monster on the ground next to a pool of blood and Heather slowly rising in the very next fucking frame. Imagine if in The Dark Knight Rises when Batman punches Bane outside it immediately cuts to Bane resting against the reception desk and Batman yelling, "WHERE IS THE TRIGGER?!" Imagine how incredibly fucking stupid that would be. That was how incredibly fucking stupid the editing was in Silent Hill: Revelation. There are blatant goofs throughout the movie that could've been easily noticed in the editing room if everybody in the crew wasn't a hopeless waste of oxygen.
There are some decent actors in here: Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Sean Bean, and they all blow hard. Michael J. Bassett is a hack and should stay the hell away from filmmaking. Lines are delivered so horribly, so blandly... this is probably how shooting went:
BASSETT: Alright, here's your line. Just look at this person and say it, okay? Great. Action!
ACTOR: (wooden) I know where you a-- fuck, messed up the line. Can we do it--
BASSETT: And cut! That's a wrap! Great job, guys.
Game companies need to stop giving film rights for their awesome games to Samuel Hadida; pretty much everything he does is a piece of trash. Don't get me wrong, the firstSilent Hill movie for me was a guilty pleasure. Compared to this cinematic abortion it's a masterpiece. The first movie was a visual treat -- this looks like cheap garbage. It was filmed in Cambridge (and some places around Toronto I believe), a place a few hours away from me. I hope people in that town see this movie and become ashamed that they let their quaint living space become the setting of one of the worst movies ever made.
 |
| "Wow, this is like watching a thunderstorm quickly become a Category 5 hurricane." |
Again, Bassett is a hack, and I'd be shell-shocked if he actually understands a single Silent Hill game. He massacres the psychological tension, the complexity, the symbolism (a pivotal part of the games), and the atmosphere that made the games such masterpieces (the first four anyway). This movie is about as atmospheric as Mercury. There is not a single unnerving moment. There is not a single suspenseful moment. At times the film is not even coherent at all. Pyramid Head is added in for who the fuck knows why. Oh right, he's recognizable, so screw the point of him, right? HA. AHA HA. THAT'S JUST RICH.
The only high point is a deliciously campy cameo from Malcolm McDowell -- nowadays it's like McDowell stars in trashy movies just to have some fun, and he takes full advantage of it and God is it ever amusing. He knew what movie he was in when he shot his scene in this.
Things are barely explained and when they are it's through wooden exposition. I hate everybody in this movie except for McDowell. I hate everybody involved in this movie except for, again, McDowell and Harington and Sean Bean. At least they have a body of work that demonstrates they don't fucking suck.
How this was released in theatres is beyond me. I hope everybody involved (save for the aforementioned exceptions) gets a special visit from Pyramid Head and gets their wasteful existences sliced in bloody half.
Okay, that's a little harsh.
But they do deserve a hard kick to the testicles.
This is disrespectful and offensive to fans of the games and fans of horror and fans of film. It's as if mid-way through post-production everybody gave the fuck up and said, "Hey, let's look for the most ways to mangle this movie even more." I am utterly humiliated for anybody who likes this film, and that's all I have to say.
Silent Hill: Revelation is rated R for nonsensical garbage and the brutal sexual assault on the viewers' minds.
